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I always try to be grateful and I always try to look for the “glass half full”, and when I do come upon “ugliness” in my world, I often find myself asking why. In the last few weeks I have had two very different experiences involving women. I always preach to younger women that while they may have a lot of competitive feelings at their age, that women can be your greatest resource personally and professionally… and hopefully they’ll come to learn that along the way.
So while I won’t go into details, my first experience involved a group of women who had open and welcoming hearts. They didn’t expect anything, they didn’t judge. By the way they interacted with each other you could just tell that they valued other women. They didn’t feel threatened- they appreciated other women.
Then my other experience involved another group of women that, if we were in the school lunch room, I would refer to as the “mean girls” clique. For whatever reason, their default when it comes to their views about others is always negative or suspicious. They almost seem to find satisfaction in their “exclusiveness”. Are there really people who like to make others sad? Or is it that they’re hurting?
So looking at these two scenarios, two groups of similar aged women… my real question is: what makes one group one way and the other, another way? One wasn’t associated with an altruistic group or spiritual mission. They were just a bunch of women, shining with love. They were happy and fun… and their kindness was contagious.
I know we can never usually know people’s hearts, but I’d be interested to hear your views on this question.
Comments
Funny you mentioned this today. Adults can be very much like children. Some are compassionate and loving and it shows, while others are mean and self-centered. I heard of a study which had concluded that some of these very mean people feel a sense of entitlement to treat others poorly. I was raised with the belief that the mean people have low self-esteem and just want to make others miserable, because as they say “misery loves company”. However, thinking about the other notion of entitlement, it does make sense to a certain extent. Children live what they learn and ultimately grow into adults, whose behavior if not corrected, remains the same. Hence, the cycle continues.
#Hi Tracy, I’ve come across this in life also on many accounts, I’ve just figured it was maybe their upbringing or their surrondings are swaying them that way (mean girls clique). I really never was brought up to talk about others or to manipulate others, this was never a part of who I am. I believe it is mean and not what GOD had intended for us to do. One may never quite understand where the other person comes from and why they act they way they do.
Tracy – I believe from watching you on the news that you belong in the “open and welcome hearts” type of woman.
#That’s a tough one. While I never had a “normal” upbringing I always felt you need to respect people and don’t judge right away. Sometimes it’s hard even for me not to judge right away, but being the “nice girl” you sometimes feel taken advantage of. I do believe some people feel better when they make someone feel bad and I will never understand that. I try to embrace people that have an upbeat attitude because you only live once and I believe it’s what you make of it.
#Ive always hated that trait in some women. There are some women/girls who hate to see other people happy or strong or successful. I honestly feel that those “mean girl” cliques start out with one very misguided or miserable girl who is quite pretty on the outside (thats how she reels others in). She takes otherwise happy girls and knocks them down to feel superior. Once she feels superior, the other girls seem to follow her lead because they dont want to be excluded or excused by a pretty girl. I ran into this in school, but now that facebook is back….I have caught up with these so called mean girls and they are nothing like that anymore, infact, most arent even married. Tracy…this is very scary but its true…There were one set of 4 mean girls (one not so mean), anyway, I just found out that 3/4 girls are now dead from cancer 3/4??? This reiterates to me that mean causes illness in your body and no matter how mean someone else is, just be nice back and karma will catch up. Its not you fault that your a happy gal whilst others are miserable. You can’t change ugly when its to the core of a person.
#Some people just enjoy being miserable, that tells me they won’t allow God in their hearts, for having HIM in your heart, you have happiness. If your happy you will spread your happiness for sure.
#I agree with the previous postings that mention that how people are raised can determine their personalities to an extent but I also believe some of it is innate. I think that there can be very different types of people in the same family. For instance, my sister is very judgemental and self-centered. That’s one reason why we really don’t get along. I can’t stand people who snub their noses at others. My sister and I were both raised in the same house by the same parents and have had similar experiences. Yet, we are like night and day. Nature or Nurture – whatever it is I think that some people just perceive themselves as more important than others hence, the bitchiness.
#The second group needed the friendship but thought it would show weakness so they stayed in the mean girls clique. the others should have tried more to befriend them.
#As you know, I spend a lot of time with a lot of women’s groups. I am with a group, even as we speak. It is my impression, and I have often passed it on: hurt people hurt people. I do a lot of work with addicts, (which includes all of us humans, men and women, who have received the grace to “walk out of the wound” into the light of grace. They discover that we are all alike. Addicts come at is from a point of wisdom: If I don’t change, nothing else will. Some, like the disciple Paul, have had to be knocked off their horse. It hurts. So what am I going to do about it – Hurt others???
#I love your style,
Marguerite
Now that I’m “Older” I still find myself in the same situations as discussed. I assumed being “Older” somehow eliminated the “cliques” and feelings of non-acceptance. The same situations I experienced as a child, a teenager, as an adult. My opinion is – it is a part of “human nature” and will never go away. The behavior exists and is most deadly when a “human” makes no conscious effort to recognize the behavior and choose to NOT engage in the behavior. Overcoming the behavior is difficult and emotional for me. Having been unemployed for a time period has been Negative but also positive as I have had some time to think about these things and how I plan to work harder on being “conscious” about the behaviors in the future and how to deal with them – in myself and in others.
#Do you Want to say something?